Previously Finding Joy
Nyx Ember
I started this series in 2023. And at that time I thought I knew what joy was and that moments of joy were all I wanted. I was really still learning. My journey was in its infancy. When I wrote my original article, I was less than a year out of an abusive relationship and I had never in my life been able to do anything I truly wanted to do. I was not completely cognizant of what I wanted or who I was. I have come to the conclusion that joy is actually a continuous journey instead a destination. The definition of joy is "a feeling of great pleasure and happiness." What I was really seeking was a peaceful and joyful life. Having lived in so much pain and chaos, even a moment of joy was a relief. We all experience moments of joy but a joyful life is somehow a bit more complicated as it requires you to be intentional. I have found that seeking the wisdom of my elders has taught me some absolutely invaluable lessons in this journey. They have invested in me something so priceless: their words, memories and LOVE. I have spent as much time as I could sitting in the presence of some of the wisest and bravest women I could find. Women who have done amazing things often during a time when they faced challenges we struggle to understand today. Things they bring up in passing that cause you to do a double take as you ask them to repeat what they said for a story. And they always have a story, a rich thread woven through time. These stories are all lessons.
The most important lesson was to be unapologetically authentic to myself. No matter how scary that may be and sometimes it's truly terrifying . We live in a world where women are expected to be quiet and cooperative. Agreeable. However, I think being loud, proud and present is a lot more fun. It heals. Shrinking yourself into a box kills the spirit. Standing on what you believe in grows confidence and a greater sense of self. My beautiful elders have shown me that they are clear on what they believe, they are assertive. They know who they are and are unafraid to tell you who that is. They have earned their sense of self. Their strength is undeniable.
I have also noticed how happy my elders are. They have removed themselves from situations that move them to anger. Of course, there is anger for the causes that matter most but they have replaced anger with reasonable action. These days, I'm rarely angry for long. Situations that upset me aren't situations I'm meant to be part of. If there are ways I can work to help the greater good, I will. I have learned not to let things consume me. I do what I can. I pass along needed information to others who can do more than I am capable. I smile more. I'm healthier. I feel lighter. I have more energy and mental capacity to make good trouble. This is truly wisdom that may have saved my life as I was consumed with anxiety and all of the wrong problems.
They have taught me curiosity. They ask questions both for knowledge and genuine concern for the well being of others. They want to learn. These women have a very clear understanding for the immeasurable value of knowledge and information. Even as elders they are still learning. I know I'll be learning and growing my entire life. You can't be wise, peaceful or joyful without knowledge. And they care. They taught me how to love in healthy ways.
I'm trying to learn to rest. I've been taught, but going on this journey has made the world a much brighter, brilliant place to be. Sounds and colors are richer. I'm so excited to see this place and the people in it that I haven't followed the words of my elders very well in that area. I want to hear all the stories and stand in all the spaces they have been. I've gone so far, I've seen so much and accomplished many amazing things.
My hope is to write more. To (hopefully) be continued.
~Nyx